He was a father, and I was not, Brulian
by ItsMeEmily
Summary: A Brulian one shot, set after/in episode 8x18, their adoption did not work out. Julian's POV. Some Naley&Jamie Please R&R, reviews are much appreciated!


Walking through that hospital door, seeing the look on his face. He was a father tonight, he was her father.

And I knew at that moment that I was not.

I did not have to look down at Brooke's face to feel the disappointment, the sadness and loss that would fill her. Both of our hearts felt like they had been anchored to the floor, ripped out of our chests. I could feel my face drop, as I led my wife through the door, our fingers intertwined for support. As I led her into another one of our journeys together ended wrong.

That baby girl wasn't ours.

Looking down at Brooke, I watched as she met Chloe's eyes with her own. She did not have to express how she was feeling with words, the welled up tears in her eyes said enough.

Betrayal. Lies. More disappointment.

Automatically I held her in my arms, hoping to protect her but knowing that emotionally she was more vulnerable than ever. I wrapped my arms around her, drawing her close, the tears building in my own eyes as well as in Brooke's. There was nothing more we could do, this was no longer our place.

How would she get over this?

Her boyfriend had no idea, if he was even her boyfriend. I hoped that he was, that he would support her through this more than he had through the pregnancy. He had no concept of the pain caused here today. Of course this was not his fault, it seemed we were not the only people who had been decieved but it was no constellation for the fact that my wife still had no child, no family. Chloe could see the look in Brooke's face. She knew how much she had trusted her, how happy she had been that she wanted to trust us with her unborn child.

_She just changed her mind, Brooke..._

I pulled Brooke out of that room, I couldn't continue to let her watch them act as if nothing was wrong, with a child in the future ahead of them. Couldn't let her watch what she could have had, what we were so close to having. I held onto her tightly, possessively, until we got outside in the open air, even Haley far from our thoughts at this moment.

The second we were outside, I held her close as she wept into my chest.

I kept shaking my head, this couldn't be happening to us, not again. My wife deserved to have the family she wanted, that she had longed for as long as I could remember. I couldn't help but think I'd failed her in some respect, but I knew that I could have done nothing to prevent this. Suddenly the discussions from today, the dispute in the hardware store over evergreen forest or fluffy duck paint seemed irrelevant.

We would have to go home and walk into that nursery, without our baby. The three paint swatches on the wall, all the preparation we had done was a waste now. The highchair, the toys, the bottles, the cot. _Everything._

I couldn't bare to hear her cry any longer, this was not our fault. I lifted her head up softly, my thumb under her chin. I looked into her eyes as another small tear emerged, and I wiped it away with my thumb. Just as I had the night I almost lost her. She longed for me to tell her everything would be OK, that we could find another baby. How could I tell her it would all be OK?

"We'll be OK, Brooke, we'll get another baby." I knew this couldn't make it better, not know, but I had to try.

"It was a girl, Julian." and her dry tears were replaced with fresh ones. There was nothing I could say or do but hold her, make sure she knew that we would go through this together.

Just before I could say anything else, Nathan emerged from the door on the other side of the hospital. He almost repeated what Brooke had just said.

"Its a girl! Baby Lydia's been born!"

They were all overjoyed; Jamie on his shoulders, Quinn and Clay congratulating them.

_I don't want to steal Haley's moment. _

I took Brooke's hand as she dried her face with the other and we both put on a brave face. She was right, this was their moment. Walking over to meet our friends, they could sense something was wrong.

_Are you alright?_

Brooke managed to assure them that she was fine, and the celebrations continued. Fine was far from what she felt right now. I smiled at Nathan, congratulating him on his newborn child. We all went inside again to Haley's ward, Nathan and Jamie going in to see the baby first. After a few minutes, they came back out of the door...

"Brooke, Haley has someone she'd like you to meet..."

Nathan and Jamie came and joined me on the seats outside, as I let go of Brooke's hand and she went into the room, a look on her face that I could not quite decipher. I put a smile on for Nathan and Jamie, this was their moment too.

They rose out of their seats, after a conversation about getting a balloon for the baby which I had barely heard, the only things in my mind right now being my wife and our loss.

"We're going to go to the gift store, you want anything Julian?"

"No thank you, you go ahead." Again, that false smile.

I got up and went to the glass window. Looking into the room I could see Brooke holding the baby, tears forming in her eyes once more.

"Brooke are you OK?"

She nodded, "I'm so happy for you Hales." The tears a mixture of happiness and devastation.

I went in to join them, looking at Haley, and then at the baby in my wifes arms. I put my hand on the small of her back and looked down at the baby.

"This is baby Lydia, say hi to uncle Julian," the baby took my finger in her hand, so delicate and small. I rested my head on Brooke's shoulder as we both smiled down at Lydia, curled in her arms.

"Congratulations Haley, she's beautiful."

She had a new baby. One she got to keep, to cherish, to love.

Haley just smiled in return, she must be exhausted. I looked at Brooke as she looked down at the baby, a sense of absence in her eyes.

We should have been walking out of that hospital with our own child.

"I love you Brooke."

"I love you too Julian."

"It will happen soon, I promise," I whispered in her ear.

It will happen soon.


End file.
